The song was released back in 1969 with lyrics referring to the violence of the Vietnam War. Seems appropriate today in the midst of the CO-VID19 chaos going on. As a stem cell transplant survivor, this "shelter in place" thing isn't new to me. If you're reading this as a fellow survivor, its not new to you either or your caregivers. We've done this before. We've worn the masks, the gloves, the gowns and we've used countless Clorox wipes and bottles of hand sanitizer. We've washed our hands raw and keep 6-10ft distance from everyone in public. We've gone months without seeing friends and family who weren't our appointed caregivers and we've gone months with little to no physical contact with our own children. This isn't new for us. Whats different this time is that I"m not expecting to die. I'm enjoying isolation. Ok, well....to be honest, I deeply miss my friends and I am saddened that my boys are missing out on so much that they looked forward to. Overall though, I am doing ok wearing my fleece lined leggings (which I wouldn't wear in public because I'm not really built for them), a hoodie and no wig. I"m enjoying doing puzzles and playing games with my boys and I'm enjoying not having to be anywhere at anytime. ELearning is doable but certainly not ideal and I will admit that I have consumed a greater than normal amount of wine and spirits since school was canceled due to eLearning. I am blessed that my boys don't struggle with reading or math but there is many reasons I don't homeschool my children. All of them have become crystal clear since March 13 (our last day of school). I learned about mixed fractions and linking verbs and the scientific method and I use those things often but do I remember the steps to multiply these fractions or what words actually are linking verbs or the steps to the scientific method? Heck no! Essentially, I am currently a kindergartner, 2nd grader and 4th grader all wrapped into one who also does laundry, cooks, cleans, entertains the children and keeps the household organized. I am a very good teacher as long as the kids aren't my own! I have patience and compassion and empathy as a guidance counselor but if its my own offspring, that all goes out the window. There are days that I understand why some animals leave their babies to fend for themselves after just a few months. But I love my kids with all my heart and I thank God every day for them and I also thank Him for giving me the shots of humor and joy that I get from them to overshadow the angry fits and whining (from them, not me...mostly).
As for my health, I'm doing pretty darn good. I do worry about getting this virus but I also know that I'm a germaphobe and I'm well versed in protective measures. Hopefully I've already had it disguised as one of the millions of colds or upper resp. infection. Still have GVHD of the eyes, some random skin rashes that pop up, dry mouth, the annual November-April or May cold and cough and some continuing trouble with my girl parts. But in the big picture, I'm healthy and doing well.
As difficult as this quarantine is, there is good. There is always good in each situation. Some days I forget this and I'm grumpy and irritable and no fun to be around. My husband and kids will testify to this. But I'm working on it. I'm looking for the good and the joy and when I was battling leukemia, I was always positive because it was a survival skill. Funny how when things got easier and death wasn't knocking on my door, I lost that sunny outlook and began to focus on the negative. I think this quarantine is forcing me and many to find the silver linings again. The good I see now is that my boys are getting along better than they have in months. They still squabble and tattle and cry over nonsense things ("he touched by cardboard box") but they also snuggle and hug and read together. They play together outside and make up games more than they have in years. All five of us are getting more sleep and staying more active because we aren't sitting in cars going places or sitting at desks working/learning. My house is more organized and actually gets cleaned regularly instead of the panicked weekend recovery clean that we used to do or the worst case scenario clean up when you see a car pull in the driveway that isn't Amazon or UPS!
This isn't a good situation by any means. People are dying. Lots of people are suffering. Families are having funerals and weddings without loved ones attending. Businesses are closing and people cannot make financial ends meet. But this isn't permanent. So while we are forced to self contain, we can't worry about whats out of our control. Instead, focus on what you can control and find the silver lining. Here is mine:
