Oops, I did it again...

Ah yes, Britney Spears and her chart topping hit. I admit, I have the CD. It was a weak moment in Walmart back in my college days. Don’t judge me. I mean, its not like I still have it. Ok ok, its not like I still listen to it. Honest. Don’t even know where it is. Why on earth would I bring up such an abomination of popular music? Well, because I “did it again”. I ended up in emergency surgery again because my girlie parts hate me. Here’s how it went....

It was a nice Monday morning this past week and I was at my follow up gynecologist exam at Loyola. It was the follow up from the hot mess from February, the first time my body nearly bled to death. So the first person that walks in is the nurse. She asks why I am there. I explain its a follow up. She says its an annual. No, follow up. She insists its an annual. I kindly tell her she is incorrect and can we please just have the doctor come in. Girls, you know the next part...strip down and assume the most uncomfortable position known to women...the gyn exam pose. So here I am, waiting with a sheet over myself, when this kid (yes, I swear he was in middle school) walks in with his stylin hair do pulled back in some man bun and his ear lobe expanders. He says, wait no, he stutters, “I’m a med student and here to evaluate you before the Dr comes in”. Oh good grief. I almost laughed out loud. I’m pretty sure his palms were sweaty and his voice cracked. I said “go ahead, after three births, I’ve lost all modesty”. He cleared his throat and said “Oh no! I’m just listening to your heart and lungs”. It was the fasted evaluation in the history of Loyola. Pretty sure he didn’t even hear my heart because his was thumping so loud in his head. Poor kid. I found out later that it was his first day in gyn rotation and his first year as a med student.

Then the Dr comes in and we rehash the debacle from February. Yeah yeah, vaginal adheadions, blood, ER, surgery, etc etc. Next thing I know, she is OPENING more adhesions. Holy hot cross buns Batman! That’s not comfortable at all!! Clearly she’s never given birth or had anything unpleasant in her nether region. I spare you more details. Let’s just sum it up with the notion that I’d rather have had a root canal done by a blind raccoon. So the exam is nearly done and she declares that I do not need any follow up appointment, I’m cleared for all “activity” and I may have a “bit of spotting”. She hands me two sanitary napkins and leaves the room.

So I dress and immediately realize that this is NOT spotting. It’s vaginal armegeoddon. Again. It’s not as bad As it was in February so I carry on and thankfully have the good sense not to get in my car and drive the hour and a half drive home. I went downstairs to visit Susan. She is another AML survivor who is about a month post transplant and we’ve been texting and emailing through her experience. I finally was able to meet her! After excusing myself to run to the bathroom, I realized this wasn’t going to end well. Went through both pads and it had been about 20 min. So I went back up to my dr office and explained that I needed to see a nurse or doctor. The nurse kindly hands me a little brown bag with three more pads and whispers “do you need the washroom”. Uh yeah, I need the washroom and the exam room and probably another trip to the OR lady.

So the doctor comes in and exclaims “oh my! This isn’t normal at all”. Uh, ya think? Now, its about an hour before I was supposed to be home to relieve my in laws from the grip of my 4 year old. I had NO SIGNAL on my phone. Nothing. Thankfully I had WIFI. While the dr is packing my “you know what” with rolls of gauze, I’m emailing my husband at work. He doesn’t respond. Finally I FaceTimed my mom. “Hi mom. I’m bleeding to death again. No worries, I’m at the hospital”. (Eye roll). She then contacted mY inlaws who got ahold of Dan and by then everyone that needed to know knew. Know knew? That sounds incorrect. Oh well.

The lovely Dr brings in a Foley catheter. Oh heck no. Don’t you use that on me. That’s like medieval torture. She explained that I won’t be able to urinate with the gauze packing. I told her I would be ok. She said she’d be back in 15 min to see if I’d stopped bleeding. She returned 15 min later, removed gauze and of course I had not stopped. We repeated this 4 times. By 4th time, I had to pee. Naturally. So I asked if I could try and she said “you can, but it won’t work”. Ha! Challenge accepted! I win! I not only could pee but I could empty my bowels as well. Too much info? Little late to be whining about that now isn’t it? You could’ve stopped reading much earlier. Anyways....

So off to the OR we head. Guess who was my transport? Man bun boy. It was a long awkward walk through the tunnel from the Cancer Center to the hospital admissions. So there I was, repeating my February surgery but this time at Loyola. Got to stay over night and was sent home on some decent pain meds. Spent the majority of the week in an anesthesia induced brain fog. But wait there’s more!!! Thursday I had to do my monthly phlebotomy! Apparently bleeding out twice in less than 3 months doesn’t lower your ferritin levels enough. I’m still over 1700 (Dr wants me below 500). So I lost another pint on Thursday. Took a nice long 3 hour nap Thurs afternoon.

Yep, its been that kind of week. Now, on the positive side....I spent some wonderful quality time with a new friend. She even bravely accompanied me to pick out a new wig or two. More on that when I make a decision on what I’m getting. God is good. I was in and out of the hospital in less than 24 hours. My mom was able to leave work to be with me. My inlaws were in town to take care of my kids. Yes, it was a rough week but life goes on and next week will bring better times. And less blood. Right?