Halloween

Three years ago today was a milestone. It was the first time I was told I was in remission. I had been home for 3 days after 5 weeks in the hospital and I was dealing with chemo side effects and incredible weakness. The way I felt when I first came home was unreal. It was an overwhelming relief to be home again but also a deep ache of unknown future and so many side effects of chemo. Nothing tasted good. People smelled bad. My own children and husband made me sick to my stomach because my sense of smell was so incredibly altered that normal human smells made me ill. The smell of food was the worst. Our house had been cleaned from top to bottom and was extremely clean yet it smelled horrible to me.

My boys were dressed as Sesame Street characters: Grover, Elmo and Cookie Monster. I insisted on going trick or treating with them despite being extremely fatigued and weak. At that point, I wasn’t sure if I’d ever see them enjoy another Halloween and I was not about to miss the chance that year. It was cold and sleeting and miserable out. Chemo made me cold anyway but then being outside I was beyond cold.

Tonight, as I watched by boys trick or treat, I praised God and thanked Him for giving me the privilege to be here to experience the joy on my boys’ faces as they bounced from house to house gleefully saying “Trick or Treat” followed by a polite “thank you”. It’s been a long long hard road but I’ve come so very far.